February 11, 2012

Ranting




Graduation..another one next year. I should be excited, but I'm not anymore. Today, I asked my family if they were coming to my graduation next year, but all I got was a "No". I can't say I'm surprised since they never actually showed up to any of my graduation or award ceremony before either. But what hurts and surprises me is what my dad said. I think I'm more disappointed and angry than sad. Since he promised that they will be here for my masters graduation, seeing they missed my last graduation, I thought they would at least try. But he said, "what for? your mom is not going anyways.." It makes me wonder, am I really that not worth being proud of? Am i really worth that little to them, that they never showed up to any of my award ceremonies?He showed up for every ceremony Sheryl ever had. He was there every time Sheryl was on stage, performing. He was at everything Sheryl did. But none of mine.  I doubt that even with a PhD, they will show up for that graduation anyways. People wonder why I have so low self confidence and why I hate people not honoring their words, but after so many disappointments in life, I can't say I will ever hold my head up high and be proud of any of my achievement. None of these so-called achievements seems to worth anything to my family, huh? I wonder, if I ever get married one day, will any of them even bother to show up or would he ask me again "What for?" ..

So, both my sister won't be able to be there since it's exam period. The rest of them decided it's not worth anything to be here. So instead, graduation will look like this picture below. AGAIN..what's new? Maybe I won't even attend graduation then.  It wasn't fun sitting and standing alone in the crowd last summer, everyone had someone cheering them on, being happy for them. But when my name was called, it was drop-dead silence. No sound. You could hear a pin drop. That feeling was horrible, it was suppose to be joyous but I was more excited for the entire ceremony to be over with. So, I don't intend to go through another lousy graduation again.




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